Spinning Wheel (Blood, Sweat & Tears)

Can we say conviction out the wazoo???

Deut. 10:12-22
"...what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD your God..."
How would my life be different if I truly lived every day according to a proper fear of the Lord?

This question has been on my mind for several weeks, and I don't seem to be coming any closer to an answer. So I'll just pose the question and, in honor of Ben Inman, wait for an answer to come in God's time.

From the Ehrman Debrief with Byron this afternoon....
My New Testament class is an unfair boxing match in progress. I am ill-equipped to fight this man on his terms. And he knows that. It's as if I've been put in a ring with George Foreman or Muhammad Ali. It's not a fair fight. I don't have the theological/intellectual power to pack a punch.

But I can't just wallow in self-pity. I have to do something about it. Byron said that as a Christian, in signing up for this course, I've signed myself up for twice as much work. I not only have to read and write papers for Ehrman, but I have to read and research the truth for my own spiritual/mental/emotional well-being. I need to be reading a commentary on the Synoptic gospels, or a book about the canonization of scripture. And there's no getting out of it. Not enough time isn't an acceptable excuse. I just have to "suck it up."

That's a hard thing to hear. The last thing you want is to hear your pastor tell you that you have to do more homework. Shouldn't he be the understanding one telling you that "it's all okay if you just trust and persevere"? No. Not Byron. He'll shoot it right back in your face.

I remember he said the same thing when I observed that I had a hard time getting connected to older folks in the church. And Byron said that was on me. I had to introduce myself and start building my own relationships. He's one of those, "Tough nougies....be responsible" pastors. And that's exactly what I need.

Byron also covered the topic of sin. He talked specifically in reference to the Westminster Larger Catechism, questions 150-152:

Question 150: Are all transgressions of the law of God equally heinous in themselves, and in the sight of God?

Answer: All transgressions of the law of God are not equally heinous; but some sins in themselves, and by reason of several aggravations, are more heinous in the sight of God than others.

Question 151: What are those aggravations that make some sins more heinous than others?

Answer: Sins receive their aggravations,

• From the persons offending: if they be of riper age, greater experience or grace, eminent for profession, gifts, place, office, guides to others, and whose example is likely to be followed by others.
  
• From the parties offended: if immediately against God, his attributes, and worship; against Christ, and his grace; the Holy Spirit, his witness, and workings; against superiors, men of eminency, and such as we stand especially related and engaged unto; against any of the saints, particularly weak brethren, the souls of them, or any other, and the common good of all or many.
  
• From the nature and quality of the offense: if it be against the express letter of the law, break many commandments, contain in it many sins: if not only conceived in the heart, but breaks forth in words and actions, scandalize others, and admit of no reparation: if against means, mercies, judgments, light of nature, conviction of conscience, public or private admonition, censures of the church, civil punishments; and our prayers, purposes, promises, vows, covenants, and engagements to God or men: if done deliberately, wilfully, presumptuously, impudently, boastingly, maliciously, frequently, obstinately, with delight, continuance, or relapsing after repentance.
  
• From circumstances of time and place: if on the Lord's day, or other times of divine worship; or immediately before or after these, or other helps to prevent or remedy such miscarriages: if in public, or in the presence of others, who are thereby likely to be provoked or defiled.

Question 152: What does every sin deserve at the hands of God?

Answer: Every sin, even the least, being against the sovereignty, goodness, and holiness of God, and against his righteous law, deserves his wrath and curse, both in this life, and that which is to come; and cannot be expiated but by the blood of Christ.

How convicting. I really need to look through this as it applies to my own personal sin. Like really take time to dig through.

Then in B-stud, we talked about politics (still as part of the CCC sermon series about living for Christ in culture). Some of the points in this conversation brought me back to the Mercy Team lunch on Sunday. At that meeting, we talked about homelessness, and I was totally inspired to guy buy a slice of pizza and eat with a homeless person on Franklin Street. But then in discussing politics, and whose responsibility it is to care for the homeless (the individual's, the family's, the church's, or the state's), I hesitate to buy that slice. I can't be responsible for every homeless person out there. And while that slice of pizza might taste good now, it is not a long term solution to that man's problem. But the gospel is. So how can we take the gospel to our community, providing for people when appropriate, and demanding personal responsibility when appropriate, but still putting Christ and the example of Jesus' mercy at the center? Heavy...

Finally, we had RUF tonight. Will Spokes taught us from 1 John 2:28-3:10.

28And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming.

29If you know that he is righteous, you know that everyone who does what is right has been born of him.

1How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 2Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears,^[a]we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. 3Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure.

4Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. 5But you know that he appeared so that he might take away our sins. And in him is no sin. 6No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.

7Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray. He who does what is right is righteous, just as he is righteous. 8He who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work. 9No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God. 10This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not a child of God; nor is anyone who does not love his brother.

Sinning. Keep on sinning. Abide in Him. Combine that with the sin stuff from the Westminster Larger Catechism, and I'm feeling uber convicted right now.

Here's what gets me right now. My identity in Christ frees me to be honest about myself. Who I am. What I struggle with. As Will put it, how am I a poser?

I am a poser when I let on that my spiritual life is hunky dory when it's actually the biggest facade one could create. Well, let me qualify that - I AM a Christian. I have no doubt of the sincerity of my own faith. God's constant calling on my life is evidence of that. And I hope that those close to me would testify that I do bear some fruit appropriate to a Christian in my time of life. So in my non-Christian and my Christian cultures, I let on that I have it all together. And I DO think that I am theologically sound. But as far as the day to day goes, my spiritual walk is non-existent. I don't wake up each morning and commit to live my life for Christ. I "do the right thing" because it's how I've been raised. So is that fruit? Or is that just the influence of my parents?

I think this goes back to my "fear the Lord" question. What does a daily life look like that demonstrates fear of the Lord? What does it look like to daily rededicate myself to his service and to go about my daily business with the purpose of glorifying Him? Does it actually change anything? I think it does. I think a consciousness makes a difference. I don't know exactly what that looks like. "Authentic faith is running headlong to be like Him." Where am I running headlong?

And I think this sense of sin being incongruous with the life of a Christian sheds light on my physical state for the past few weeks. Sin is darkness. Sin is a war. Ask any of my friends and they can tell you that my face looked like a war zone. The light had gone out of me because I was living in deliberate sin. A house divided against itself cannot stand. I was being torn down. My sin just absolutely wore away at me not only spiritually, but mentally, emotionally, and physically. It was evident. How scary.

Just so y'all know, the answer to all of this is Christ. But I have an exam tomorrow and don't have time to explain it to you now. Just talk to me.

And in the midst of all of this, I'm not sure if I want to write and honors thesis anymore, and I'm not sure if I want to be a Bible study leader next year...