Run to You (Twila Paris)

In Bible study this past week, we talked about Judges 2. The Israelites failed to trust and obey God, and so he handed them over to their enemies for a little while. They went through this vicious cycle of rebellion, oppression, repentance, and new leadership only to fall back into rebellion. Isn't that true of all of our hearts? We grant God Lordship for a time, but then fall into rebellion, then the presence of sin oppresses our very being, affecting our relationships not only with God, but with our family and friends. Then we are driven to repentance, and new leadership is provided again in the form of the Holy Spirit at work in our lives. At work in my life.

So here I am, in a state of oppression. I'm hoping that this past weekend will be the ultimate low point for me. Yesterday at church, I had a time of repentance based mostly on this song:

I Boast No More

1. No more, my God, I boast no more
Of all the duties I have done;
I quit the hopes I held before,
To trust the merits of Thy Son

Chorus: No more my God,
No more my God,
No more my God,
I boast no more.

2. Now, for the loss I bear His name,
What was my gain I count my loss;
My former pride I call my shame,
And nail my glory to His cross.
(Repeat chorus)

Bridge: Yes, and I must and will esteem
All things but loss for Jesus’ sake;
O may my soul be found in Him,
And of His righteousness partake!

3. The best obedience of my hands
Dares not appear before Thy throne;
But faith can answer Thy demands,
By pleading what my Lord has done.
(Repeat chorus twice)

©2001 Same Old Dress Music (ASCAP).

This'll be a long post, because I have a lot of songs and scripture references that need to be included.

I just realized that I got a little sidetracked from what I started to think about. So let's rewind again to Thursday night at Bible study.

In a tangent (I have no idea how he got on this ) about marriage, John R gave us a really clear picture of what God demands in our relationship with him. Fidelity. Intimacy. He has pined for us to such an extent that he cannot help but claim those who are his own.

Judges uses the word "prostituted" to describe the reality of idolatry in the lives of the Israelites, but it totally works for us too. "Whored," as the ESV says, means the giving of oneself without getting any real pleasure or love in return. If you only knew how true that is for me in my sin right now. It's an addiction. It's instant gratification - indulgence at the moment that is like running downhill, but the pattern of that lifestyle is desolate and destructive. Yes, yes, and yes. Amen. (If I were to cite a source here, it would be the shining lights of my Bible study - God's gift to me at this time in my life.)

Then our conversation turned to the idea of control. And one person said a little flippantly, but it really stuck with me, "If I really thought of who I am, then I'd be terrified to be in control." It reminded me of playing basketball in high school. I was scared to death that coach would put me in a game because I had no faith in my own ability to play the game. But when it comes to running my life, I think I have all the answers and I'm never scared to suit up and play. In fact, I'm a ball hog. (Okay, I might've killed that analogy...) The point is, I literally had a sick feeling in my gut that told me I shouldn't play in a game, it would be bad. Why then do I live life so carelessly? Why am I so ready to charge into situations beyond my control? In short, why am I so stupid?

To close this morning (because I should work on my astronomy lab that's due tomorrow), I have just a few things to share. The first is a scripture passage that, if you are reading this and would like to pray for me, basically outlines my needs right now. (Thanks Brenda.)

1 John 1
5This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. 7But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

8If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.

And finally, another song that seems to sum up where I am right now:

Run to You

Faster now than ever, I run to You
Now I know You better, I run to You
I am a little older now, You know it's true
Maybe a little wiser, too, I run to You
And I can see deeper than I did before
I do believe, never have I been so sure
That I need You every minute, every day
That I need You more than I could ever say

Ooh, I run to You
Ooh, what else would I do?
I run to You, ooh, I run to You
Ooh

Even on the sad days, I run to You
Even on the good days, too, I run to You
Even before all else fails, You know it's true
You are the wind in my sails, I run to You
And I can see deeper than I did before
I do believe, never have I been so sure
That I need You every footstep, all the way
That I need You so much more than I can say

I think that will serve as my devotions for the day. More than I've done in quite some time......and hopefully I'll be back tomorrow to discuss the fear of the Lord (Deut. 10).