Lonely (Bobby Vinton/Akon)

I had a picnic in the arboretum today with a group of my closest friends from RUF. From last year.

Today, I sat in that circle, and felt totally lost. I didn't know what was going on in anybody's lives. They had no idea what was going on in mind. They didn't spend time catching up with "so how're classes going?" amongst each other. But I was asked by 3 different people, "How's teaching going," "What are the best and worst experiences you've had in teaching thus far," and "How's life as an adult?" They didn't know what questions to ask about my life, and I didn't know what to ask about theirs.

So I sat there. I observed. I was generally entertained by their merriment. But I felt like an observer. I felt like a guest. Even some of the freshmen were better integrated than I was. I felt lonely.

To a certain extent, that's the way it should be. They should be invested in each other's lives, spending time together, talking to each other on a regular basis so that the niceties are no longer necessary. And I should be in a separate world. I live in a different city, I'm living a completely different lifestyle, and I never make any time to spend with them, so it's the logical conclusion.

But then I realized, I'm not making many connections with other people. Not other Christians, anyway. I have the folks in my program, the girls in my house, but I'm isolated from Christian fellowship during the week. I was going to try to go to the women's Bible study at my church in the evenings, but for the last two weeks, it just hasn't been feasible with my schedule. Am I dangerously isolated? Or is this just a season in my life with less friends? I'm not sure.

Part of it is that my two closest friends have been out of town the last three weekends (wow, both of them for the same weekends - I just put that together). Things will feel different when they're back again. But does that make this lonely feeling okay? Is it excusable?

I honestly don't know if I'm doing this to myself, if I should be concerned, or if this is just a season in my life when I'll be a little disconnected. No idea.