Bubbly (Colbie Caillat)

I have been inundated with couples.

It's summer. People are getting married. Wonderful, beautiful people whom I love, and they're getting married.

It's Governor's School. Teenagers show up and within 24 hours have found someone to hold hands with, cuddle with, and wander around campus with while the TACs watch, disgusted, waiting for an Honor Code violation.

It's graduate school. People are growing up. And for the majority of us, that means dedicating themselves to serious relationships.

And I am single.

I have to remind myself that this is not a bad thing. I think I'm realizing that God might be protecting my future husband from the ball of stress that I'm sure to be this year.

At the same time, I long. I want. I imagine. I sulk.

I've been thinking about that quote (and I can't even give credit because this sentiment has been so largely circulated that there's no telling who said it originally): If you dance with God, he'll let the perfect man cut in.

I love the rationale. Get your relationship with God right before you even *think* about a relationship. (Great reminder I got from a friend a few months ago when someone was trying to set me up.)

But as much as I love the idea, and the image of a daughter dancing on her daddy's feet, this philosophy is problematic. I slip into thinking, "Of course, God won't give me a man until I get everything straightened out with him..." Wanting a relationship becomes my motivation for spending time with God. At this point, I even go to church every Sunday wondering what new grad student He's brought to town. That's not why I go, but I devote lots of attention to it while I'm there.

Once again, I'm baffled by the fact that I know, intellectually, that my relationship with God is so beautiful, so wholesome, so fulfilling, so loving that it is all I need. God should make me feel all "Bubbly" inside. But I don't pursue God the way I do a crush. I don't spend hours thinking about him, Facebook stalking him, talking to my friends about him. I still confine my relationship with God to this box that I stand in whenever I go to church, to Bible study, or have the opportunity to "take a stand" in public.

Ack, these aren't bad things! But are y'all seeing it? It gets at the question of motivation. I'm finding myself slipping into the idea of "Get things right with God because then, and only then, will He bring someone into your life." And that's just so flawed. I want to want to pursue a relationship with God because he is THE best thing that's ever happened to me. It's just hard to see that through my own sin, sometimes.