Total Eclipse of the Heart (Bonnie Tyler)

I think I've been a little bipolar of late. In two ways - stress stuff, and relationship stuff.

Stress stuff:
Most of last week, I felt like an absolute downer. At the end of Dance Marathon, I bawled. I couldn't believe that something that has been part of my life for 4 years was over. It was the first time I felt like I was saying good-bye to something I love, something that has been an intrinsic part of my experience at UNC.

Then I went to RUF the following Tuesday, and realized that the leadership in RUF is changing. I was the only Senior at our last leadership meeting. I used to be on the praise team. I'm not doing it now because of scheduling reasons, but it just feels like a whole new group is leading it. Like I'm just visiting now - tagging along until the end.

I did absolutely NO homework last week. None. I just decided I wasn't going to, no matter the consequences. Is that me? I really must be sick. (With a little something called Senioritis.)

Finally on Friday, I broke down. I lost it. I found out that someone else had gotten an extension for their deposit to UNC with a simple e-mail, while I got the run-around from the program. I was insulted. I felt disrespected. And after talking to my dad, I collapsed in a heap on my bed not wanting to do anything. What was the deal?

After talking to my mom, I realized that there's a lot more stress in my life than I give myself credit for dealing with. I'm getting ready to graduate - I AM leaving something that has been precious to me for the past 4 years. And right now, my future is unknown. That's stressful! I've always known what I've wanted, I've always been able to make it happen, and I've usually been able to make it happen early. What's up with this waiting game?

So with the acknowledgment that my life is stressful right now, I started to feel a little better. That and a trip to the grocery to get ice cream (Edy's was on sale after all!!!) and plans to see High School Musical 3 with Danielle all started to make me feel a little better.

Then I got an e-mail. It told me that the decision about my application to Duke was available online. I was practically shaking. But somehow I got myself in - logged in to my application and in to the MAT program!!!

Talk about a "total eclipse of the heart." I went from being Debbie Downer to "Surpriiiiiiiiiiise Sue." I was thrilled! (That sounds pathetic - "thrilled" doesn't even begin to describe how excited I was. Maybe the SNL video will enlighten you...and give you a good laugh:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/16388/saturday-night-live-surprise-party)

So now I'm waiting to hear back about financial aid. I'm really desperate for this Durham Teaching Fellowship to come through.

So that's one eclipse.

The other is that I've been coyly pushed towards a certain boy who attends my church. I've been told others have detected a "micro spark" of interest from him. Well, I'm only hoping he can detect a "micro spark" of interest back from me.

I wish there was a way for girls to respectfully pursue shy guys. I want to make myself available, to let him know that I want to get to know him - really. I'd love to have a conversation that goes beyond quoting YouTube videos (as great as those are).

So the eclipse here is from several posts ago (All You Need is Love) and my interest in another guy who didn't even show so much as a "micro spark" of interest in me, to an interest in this guy who is respectful, admirable, kind, sincere, and just a little shy.