Love is Only Love (Hello Dolly)

So have I mentioned that this is my new favorite love song? It's completely contrary to all the sappy and sentimental crap that the entertainment media feeds us about falling in love. Just take a look at these lyrics.

Just leave ev'rything to me
Though it wont be like the first time
How can it be like the first time?
But Why does it have to be?
Don't look for shooting stars
For love is only love
You touch and still you touch the proud
Don't listen for those bells
For love is only love
And if it's love you've found
Your heart won't hear a sound
And you hold his hand
You only hold his hand
The violins are all a bluff
But if you're really wise
The silence of his eyes
Will tell you
Love is only love
And it's wonderful enough
Without the shooting star
Without the sounds of bells
Without the violins
Love is wonderful enough!

Love is wonderful enough. I really love that line (sorry to be repetitive...). Because that's what it should be - not these complicated stories about how hard it is for two people to be together, or how two people are just meant for each other and they beat all the odds and live is bliss.

I think love is hard. I think loving your family, your friends, and (I expect) your spouse is the hardest thing to do in the world. Cause what does that really look like? There's no magic formula, there's no DIY book that'll teach everyone how to love everyone else perfectly. We have the Bible, but the instructions found in that book are in a constant battle with our own sinful nature (unfortunately).

Okay, this is not actually the purpose of my post.

I've been obsessing about a boy. It's kind of pathetic, but it's true. For the past 8 months or so, I have thought considerably about one particular man God has brought into my life. Unfortunately, there's no indication that he spends a reciprocal amount of time thinking about me. But let me explain the immediacy of this post.

Brad and I talked considerably on our trips home and back from our Governor's School break. One of the topics we covered is relationship, and intimacy within relationships that can be feigned via the internet. The level of technology today allows us to keep in touch with each other - to have communication at a moment's notice. It also gives us an out. It allows us to get to know each other without having to have a conversation. You can read somebody's blog (as you're reading mine now) and know their thoughts and feelings without actually expressing your interest to them (interest/investment/some level of attention given to them - it's not perceived by the one who is receiving the attention - right?). So by reading someone's online posts, I've gotten to know them in a way that our conversations have not allowed. Not because we never talk, but because there's additional information available online. Brad had a similar experience - knowing someone "intimately" without actually spending the face time with them.

This leads to some complications. Because the feelings that I had have been indulged as I spend time thinking about and getting to know this person, but like I said, there's no return on the investment as of yet.

That said, can I just tell you what a great guy he is? There's a TAC here at GS that my girls wanted me to get together with (awkward sentence ending in a preposition...). He's a nice guy, don't get me wrong. And I wondered before I got here if "Summer Lovin'" could be a reality. But the more time I spend with him, the more I know that I just want to be his friend.

Because there's this other person in the back of my mind. I think it's a bit unhealthy, but I can map out aspects of our life together. (Yeah, definitely unhealthy.) I want to do my year of MAT, teach my 4 years for TF, then stop working and have a family. I want to have kids, but also adopt them (if financially possible). I want to do short term missions work during the summers. And I want our family vacations to consist of camping and historical landmarks rather than roller coasters and beach bungalows. This is a person who believes the same theology, has the same educational experience, and who I can envision wanting the same thing out of a family and a life together.

Of course, this is all speculation and projection.

So I would say that I'm stuck in a rut. I am very interested in this person, but spend little to no "friend" time with them. But I have yet to find anyone else who matches up to his standard. We're talking total respect, admiration, and (as Milton would say) esteem for this guy. I wondered for awhile if that was all I felt for him. But my vision of the two of us as a couple is so perfect that I think it really is a crush.

So while I stalk him on Facebook, I realize that I care for this person and want to develop my relationship with him more. Not because there are fireworks or violins, but because it fits. It just makes sense. Because (not that I love this person right now, but) love is only love.